When You Don’t Really Want to Go

Our small shelter at Camping Maria shook and rattled all night as the storm raged outside. It was so bad that I can’t believe the roof stayed on. It creaked and moaned from the strong gusts that blew branches and debris around in waves of violence that made it hard to get any sleep. I woke up at 6AM, made some coffee and quietly packed up my gear to let my cabin mates get some more rest. I was really hesitant about heading out into this weather but I was really low on food and Villa O’Higgins was just fifty miles away. The wind had blown our bikes around the yard. I gathered everything together and carefully loaded my rig. On days like this – when I really don’t want to go back on trail, I just take things in steps and try not to think too far ahead. Pack my bags, dress in layers, apply extra chamois cream, make sure I have lunch prepared and handy and check the bike over to make sure everything is working properly. Today was about seeing if it was possible to ride in this weather so I planned to take it as it comes. I hopped in my saddle in full rain gear at 7:30AM and headed south.

The wind gusts were incredible! Thank goodness they were coming from behind so it felt like someone was pushing (or punching) me down the road. The most striking thing that I noticed was the unbelievable amount of water that was coming off of the mountains and into the river next to the road. I looked up and saw that the cliff had sprouted dozens of waterfalls all around. Millions of gallons of water was rushing down and under the road through huge culverts. It struck me once again what an incredible engineering task this road is – especially for the careful planning required to make sure the road doesn’t wash away. Best in class hydrologic engineering for sure. New Zealand, are you taking notes?

The strong rain and wind came in waves as I started the six mile climb up over the mountain passes. It was really hard to keep the bike upright on the switchbacks with the strong shifting winds but I managed to make slow but steady progress towards the summit. The descents were a relief but required a tight grip on the handlebars as I sailed down the steep grades. I only took two really small breaks because I was afraid of stopping and getting too cold. My core was pretty warm covered in layers of wool but my hands and feet were frozen solid. There were several large trees down in the road and I saw a few large branches come crashing down near me.

It eventually started to clear up as I approached Villa O’Higgins. After seven hours of virtually nonstop riding, the sun came out about six miles from town. I stopped to peel off a few wet layers and have a quick bite to eat. Mostly, I wanted a moment to breathe easy. It was a stressful day on the bike but it all worked out just fine. I was feeling great that the end was near and full of gratitude for how well everything has gone on this adventure. No mechanical issues with the bike (or my body), I met great friends, ate wonderful food and spent two amazing weeks marveling at this beautiful part of the world. I was also feeling a bit proud that I can call myself a bike packer now. I’ve successfully completed a solo trip on one of the classics. I’m legit. It felt great rolling into town with all of this positive energy.

Villa O’Higgins is a small town of just 600 residents but it has everything that a tired cyclist needs. Great supermarkets, a few restaurants and nice cabins to rent. I checked into my Airbnb and tried to started a fire in the wood stove to warm me up. It took forever to get the fire going but I finally got it and it warmed up the space nicely. When I finish something big like this, I usually feel blue for a few days afterwards. After a hard race, hike or climb, I usually experience a sudden empty feeling as I unpack my gear and start my travel back home. The goal is completed and the adventure is done. I miss something hard to press against – a goal time, miles to crush and endless logistics. Sometimes this down time lasts days and even weeks and it can feel pretty severe. I felt that familiar gnawing ache come on this time as I unpacked by bike and started to get things organized.

But something different happened this time. I didn’t stay in that shadow very long – maybe a half hour or so and then I started to feel good again. A hot shower and a good meal and I was back to myself. Happy to be in this unique and beautiful place for a few days of rest and casual exploring. I have a theory about why I bounced back better this time. I stopped drinking before I left for this trip. I’m not sure if it’s forever yet but I’m taking some time away from alcohol to see how I feel. I can tell you that right away I feel a sense of relief. Just a few days after I stopped, my anxiety seemed to drain out of me. I can’t say that I’ve noticed any other major differences but I definitely feel calmer. It’s not really what I expected. I thought I would have more energy to burn but that’s not what’s happening.

I’ll take the less anxiety thing for sure – it feels great. Of course, I still worry about all the things that are out there near and far but I feel just a little more solid. Like the ground isn’t going to give way suddenly. It’s not some awesome rainbow of elated peace but just a subtle but real change of perception. It honestly made the trip itself a lot less stressful. One less thing to buy, carry, recycle and recover from. The cold mountain stream water never tasted so good and it was free, abundant and didn’t leave me feeling blah the next day.

So now what. I’ve cycled to the end of the road. For real this time. There ain’t nothing past this. Just a boat dock that will take you to Argentina if you are up for it. I’ve opted for the route back el Norte. It’s going to take two buses, a taxi and a plane over three days of careful planning to get back to Santiago. The first and most important task is to try to score a bus ticket from Villa O’Higgins to Cochrane. That sounds pretty easy – right? Nope. The bus only runs certain days and you can’t reserve a ticket or buy one online. I tried to WhatsApp the bus company several times to figure out how to get a ticket but couldn’t get an answer. I finally found a tourist office here and they helped me decipher Sandra the ticket lady’s schedule over the next few days. My next window to get a ticket is today between 2PM – 5PM. I’ll feel better once I have that in hand and I can start my reverse journey.

If you want to know anything about Villa O’Higgins – I’m your guy. I’ve walked all of the streets, went on a nice hike to see some glaciers, got laundry done, returned my bike, shopped in both of the supermarkets and visited all of the restaurants (there are four). The library is pretty decent and the main square offers a good place to hang and read in the afternoons. The street dogs are all friendly and I’ve finally mastered the finicky wood stove in my cabin. I’m ready to head out tomorrow morning and I’m itching to hit all of the big city things in Santiago. Art museums, yoga and big beautiful amazing supermarkets with peanut butter!